Navigating Love, Boundaries, and Safety: Why Being Prepared Matters

Love can be strange and all-encompassing, often coming with its own pair of rose-tinted glasses. You find yourself brushing off things that make you uncomfortable—like when you’ve arranged to meet at 4:00 PM, and it’s now 4:30 with no word from them. You wait, justifying the silence by thinking they may have been delayed or missed your message. By 4:45, they stroll in with a quick apology, and you’re relieved—happy to avoid feeling foolish. These are the little things we tend to dismiss in the process of getting to know someone, extending them grace as we go along.

But when dating, especially if you struggle with low self-esteem, boundaries can blur. The desire for love and validation can leave you vulnerable, making it all the more important to maintain a safety net. Even when things seem to be going well, there’s no harm in preparing for the unexpected.

Why Being Prepared Is Important

It’s crucial to always think ahead—just like a Boy Scout. Have a plan, a safe place to go, and access to transportation. If you have children, think about who could look after them in a pinch. Maybe they have a friend they enjoy spending time with, or you have a trusted family member or neighbor who can step in for a night or two.

When it comes to relationships, especially those that may become unhealthy or exploitative, preparation is key. Having an exit strategy in place—whether it’s a pre-packed bag, money for transport, or a code word to signal to your children—can make all the difference if you need to make a quick exit.

My Experience: When Preparation Saved Us

I learned the hard way. I remember the night I finally told my husband to leave. The first time I attempted to leave, he made it clear that while I could go, the children would stay. Feeling powerless, I abandoned my plan. I had a pre-packed bag ready to go, but fear and uncertainty stopped me from reaching for it.

When I finally knew I had no choice but to get him out of the house, I asked my neighbor for help. I explained the situation, asked her to watch my children, and even gave my eldest a code word to use if things escalated.

In hindsight, I wish I had left the children with her right away instead of bringing them back home. But we returned home so they could eat and relax while I talked to my husband. The conversation didn’t go well. He refused to leave, even after I told him we needed time apart to address his temper, his infidelity, and the fact that he hadn’t let me pay rent for over six months. I ended up calling the police and taking the children to my mother’s house, with help from our pastor.

Two things saved me that night: the house was under my name, and I wasn’t financially reliant on him. While I was on maternity leave, I still had my own finances and wasn’t dependent on him to support the children. In the UK, we are fortunate to have a benefit system that offers support in crises like these.

Love and Hope, But Also Caution

When we fall in love and hope for things to improve, it’s easy to let optimism cloud our judgment. But even while hoping for the best, we need to plan for the unexpected. If you're in a situation where things feel unstable, meeting with a domestic violence specialist can help you develop strategies to stay safe.

Today, technology has also opened up new ways to seek advice and support. With tools like AI, you can explore your options or get guidance on worrying personal issues in a safer, more anonymous way. It's important to use every resource available to prepare for all possibilities—without losing hope that things can get better.

Being prepared doesn't mean you're expecting the worst—it means you're ready to protect yourself and your loved ones, no matter what comes your way.

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Call to Action: If you feel uncertain about your relationship or need help creating a safety plan, reach out to a domestic violence specialist- contact details are available on the Resources section of this blog. Don't hesitate to use available resources, whether through support groups, AI tools, or personal networks.