The Law and Clever Abusers - A Harsh Reality

Why do we assume the law is a deterrent to abusers? For many, it's a challenge.

When victims are in crisis and reach out for help, we need to consider their vulnerabilities. When I left my partner, I knew he wouldn’t contact me directly anymore, but my vulnerable mum, who couldn’t grasp the gravity of the situation, became an easy target. Luckily, her neighbor was able to help ensure my mum wouldn’t let him in. Despite this, my fear for her safety was overwhelming. I had to leave the area and find refuge, but my mum remained behind. She lived in her own flat and had health issues, and I was her primary carer.

Traveling to visit her in the new area was stressful and required me to be super secretive. I had to stay in expensive hotels to avoid bumping into him. Her calls, with him in the background asking where I was based on his lies, sent chills down my spine. This brings me to the topic of clever abusers.

Just because they are told they can’t contact someone directly doesn’t mean they will stop. Quite frankly, unless the person being contacted is impaired as in my situation, they should be held accountable for relaying information that could endanger someone's life. Maybe we need to add this caveat into witness tampering laws to deter mothers, sisters, or friends of the perpetrator from talking to the victim or their family to persuade them into conversing.

How Abusers Skirt the Law to Intimidate

Abusers often find ways to skirt the law and intimidate their victims. Knowing he was near my mum was gut-wrenching while I was hiding in a refuge, unable to physically protect her. I could alert the police, but there was nothing stopping him from going there and causing more distress.

They call on “flying monkeys” (people who assist in the abuse), use child contact as a weapon, and do things in a way that sends a clear message of intimidation. For example, he appeared at my church after two years of non-attendance in a new location, following my second attempt to lessen contact. I had my children with me, and his act of being fatherly to our youngest trapped me. Thank God the people in the church, including my pastor, knew my situation and helped me. They assisted in getting him to leave while I silently panicked. After the service, he proceeded to beep his horn as I exited. I was in the parking lot, crying with fear.

The Challenge: Abusers Often Ignore the Law

Abusers often find ways to harass and intimidate despite legal restrictions. They might start harassing from different numbers, sending messages ranging from threats to seemingly nice things, all aimed at maintaining control and causing fear. Some abusers are more concerned with intimidating their victims than the consequences of breaking the law. For those who are well-protected or wealthy, the law may seem like a minor inconvenience rather than a deterrent.

The Reality of Clever Abusers

Abusers often find ways to continue their manipulation and control despite legal restrictions. They use indirect contact, such as enlisting others to pass messages, showing up in places they know the victim frequents, and using child custody arrangements as a means to maintain control.

The law needs to adapt to recognize these tactics and provide better protection for victims. We need to hold those who enable abusers accountable, ensuring they understand the seriousness of their actions. Until then, victims must remain vigilant and seek support from those who understand the complexities of their situation.

A Call to Action

We must recognize the cleverness of abusers in skirting the law and work towards closing these loopholes. It’s crucial to provide comprehensive support to victims, considering all areas of vulnerability. By raising awareness and advocating for stronger legal measures, we can help protect those who need it most and prevent abusers from continuing their cycle of intimidation and control.