Being a Victim.. Sucks!

The Hardest Thing: Uprooting Your Life to Stay Safe

Uprooting your entire life, cutting off all your loved ones, and living with constant paranoia are among the hardest things you can do. Yet, for some, it is the only way to stay safe from a partner who refuses to accept your right to live without fear evem to the point of death. Having to constantly check your account, your surroundings, explain away the unexplainable, and tremble at the sound of a key turning—this is not a life anyone should exist in.

Your Body Screams:

• "Please give me peace!"
• "Get out now, we aren't safe here."

Your Mind Says:

• "What did I do wrong?"
• "How can I do better?"
• "I deserve this."
• "No one will love me better."

Others Around You Might Say:

• "It’s not that bad."
• "He can’t control himself."

Despite their questions about why you haven’t left, they often don’t offer practical solutions or a place to stay, especially if you have children. They might justify his actions, saying, “He’s their dad,” which can lull you into a false sense of security. Every moment you doubt yourself and the truth, you endanger yourself further. Hesitation can be fatal. This blog is here to show you why it’s crucial to make the tough choice to walk away and protect yourself and your children.

The Unbearable Reality

You might hold onto hope that they won't hurt the children. Yet, deep down, you know you can't guarantee their safety. You believe you can protect them if something goes wrong, but we’ve all read too many stories where that wasn’t possible.

At the first sign of a red flag, call it quits before it’s too late. Here are some questions to help you identify the early warning signs and how they might manifest in your daily life:

• Does your partner exhibit extreme jealousy or possessiveness?
  You Might Feel: Constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to talk to or even look at other people to avoid triggering your partner's jealousy.
• Do they have an unpredictable temper?
  You Might Feel: Terrified of making even the smallest mistake, leading you to question your every move and constantly apologize for things that aren't your fault.
• Have you noticed any cruelty towards animals or children?
  You Might Feel: Horrified and powerless, questioning their character and fearing for the safety of your pets or children.
• Are you subjected to verbal abuse?
  You Might Feel: Worthless and degraded, internalizing their cruel words and starting to believe them.
• Does your partner try to control what you wear, who you see, and where you go?
  You Might Feel: Isolated and trapped, like a prisoner in your own life, losing touch with friends and family who could support you.
• Do they blame you for their problems or feelings?
  You Might Feel: Responsible for their unhappiness and problems, leading to constant self-doubt and guilt.

No One Wants to Be a Victim

I have faith in you. No, it’s not easy. It’s horrific, unfair, and bitter to lose your entire life because someone else will make it hell if you don’t. But the risk of staying is fatal, and that’s the harsh truth. Those who justify or explain away the abuse will be the same ones crying at your funeral, bursting with anger and pain in court.

The Grim Statistics

With two women a week losing their lives to domestic violence, the urgency cannot be overstated. We all want this to end. Reading another story of a woman or child dying at the hands of a partner as their last act of control is unbearable.

Consider the tragic case of Susan Baird. Susan was beaten to death with a hammer by her husband, Gary Alexander Baird, in their home in the Four Winds area of South Belfast on August 16, 2020. This heart-wrenching incident underscores the lethal consequences of domestic violence and the importance of taking action to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Take Action Now

Protect yourself and your children by recognizing the signs, trusting your instincts, and taking immediate action. Your life and the lives of your children depend on it.