Shielded by Tradition: When Support Networks Fail

 Introduction:

• In most situations, the advice for those experiencing abuse is to reach out to their support networks—family, friends, or community. But what happens when these very networks uphold the abuse, or worse, collude with the abuser?
• This is a unique challenge faced by victims of abuse when traditional values, cultural norms, or social structures prioritize maintaining the status quo, keeping the victim silent.

The Collusion of Tradition and Patriarchy:

• Many cultures or traditions have deeply ingrained patriarchal values, where a man’s authority over his home and family is not questioned. The idea of "he is a man, learn to respect him" becomes a tool of silencing victims.
• Societal expectations might demand that women accept hardship as part of their "duty" or "role," especially in marital contexts. In such situations, reaching out to a support network might feel impossible.

Cultural Norms that Support the Abuser:

• In some traditions, any attempt to leave or speak out against an abusive partner may be seen as dishonoring the family or the community.
• Victims may face the risk of being ostracized by their community, being labeled as disobedient, or being blamed for the abuse itself.

The Mindset Barrier:

• Learn to endure it: The mentality that hardship is part of life, and one must learn to bear it, can prevent victims from recognizing abuse or seeking help. They may internalize the belief that leaving or challenging their abuser is wrong.
• Family complicity: Sometimes, family members might discourage victims from seeking help or leaving abusive relationships, believing that "keeping the family together" is the highest priority.

When Networks Collude:

• Family and friends might side with the abuser, especially when traditions, wealth, or status are involved. They may not only excuse the abuser’s actions but actively encourage the victim to stay.
• After leaving, victims may find that those they trust continue to enable the abuser by mediating or downplaying the abuse.

Breaking Free Without Traditional Support:

• Victims in these situations face a double burden: the abuse itself and the loss of what should be their safety net.
• Alternative support networks, such as specialized organizations, online communities, or discreet shelters, often provide the only realistic option for escape.

Conclusion:

• The challenge of breaking free from abusive relationships when your support network is part of the problem is immense.
• By understanding this dynamic, we can empathize with those who face not only their abusers but the weight of tradition and expectation. Reaching out for help might not be realistic, and recognizing these nuanced challenges is vital in offering the right support.